Change Shmange

Sometimes things just seem like they don't change at all... all these months trying improve my list of things that need improving, and I am pretty much nowhere.

New friends: none
Thinner: no
Fashion revival: not thinner, so I just wear what fits
Emancipation: God help me, but nothing happening there except self-doubt
More work: YES YES YES!
Home decor: More work = No time for home decor.
Meditating and exploring buddhism: getting there slowly, and enjoying the journey.
Juicing: hmm, sitting with a 2.5kg bag of carrots in the fridge, so let's see how that goes tomorrow
Bucket-list: what bucket list?

Certain things make me happy, but I wouldn't say I'm in a happy place in my life at the moment. I really want to be the person I should be and be living the life I should be living. Damn, why is it so hard? We're all racing towards death, but we act like we have endless days to squander on sulking and complaining, and I am especially guilty. I keep saying "When this or that happens, then I will be happy", but that is really rubbish isn't it? I just want to have a peaceful and calm daily life and then I really believe that I can be start getting better, but I'm worried that I'm putting too much focus on that, and that once I'm alone, I'll still be a mean, angry person.
Anyway, not sure any of this makes sense, but at least the rant is over.
Goodnight imaginary readers