Two-words Tuesdays

So on quite a few of the blogs I follow, there are different 'day events', like 7 Things Sunday, and What-If Wednesday. I thought it was such a cute idea.. so cute that I wanted to secretly copy it in a cuter, cleverer way.

Then this morning, I wanted to write a post, but only 2 words, just to describe the way I was feeling. And an idea sparked to start my Two-word Tuesdays - a list of two word phrases to sum up how I'm feeling or what's going on. And I feel too guilty to pretend it's a totally original idea. So here goes my half-original, fairly cute, maybe sad idea:

Self-Loathing
Fat Ass
Give More
Eat Less
New Office
Be Kind
Jewish Vicks
Go Slower
Single Ornot?

Hmm, not sure this will work :-)

In a nutshell

..the weekend that is.

Friday night was a quiet one at home. I had been out Tuesday and Thursday night, and Little Squirrel has started asking me: "Are you going to the shops again mommy?". So I really wanted to spend some time reading him stories and cuddling. Early evening for me.

Saturday was spent at home alone with the kiddos, because Partner-Person kindly scraped his ass off the couch and went to move me out of my office (lease is up). The morning was so nice... played with the kiddos, put Baby Bird to sleep at 9 and then did some cooking with Little Squirrel. That all ended when Partner-person came home, and switched the tv on and annoyed the crap out of me. Seriously. Then in the evening there was a Man United party at my parents house. My dad is their biggest fan by the way. Seriously.

I wasn't in the best of moods by the time we got there, because PP (Partner-person) was just blabbing the whole day in my ear, LS (Little Squirrel) was whining and moaning, and for some reason my mom has been mean and cold towards me... long story.

I'm bored by my own post tonight, but I can't concentrate. I'm so sick of the tv being on ALL the time. I hate hate hate it. I think its sets such a bad example for the kids that they see the tv on first thing in the morning. What happened to keeping them motivated and doing stuff? F**&, I get so so angry just thinking of it. I'm angry that I'm sitting here with earphones listening to Adele just so that I don't have to listen to an analysis of Bin Laden's murder in the background. And the house looks like a bomb hit it. Get off your ass and clean it, you're thinking, right? Thing is, when I am home with the kids, I actually keep the house tidy. Today I was out the whole day and this is what I come home to. And FFFF, I just don't feel like cleaning so late on a Sunday night. Plus the maid is coming in a few hours, although I'm starting to get really embarrassed about the state of our house every Monday. Oh well, one thing at a time.

This morning I had a last minute meeting with a new client. We met at a coffee shop. Yesterday when we spoke, I joked about how we would recognise eachother so we briefly described ourselves. Mine was short, brown hair, brown eyes. His was medium, good looking, trendy, wearing sunglasses. Seriously. So I wasn't expecting to like him much, but turns out I do. To start with he's nice to look at, funny, honest, open. He bored me for a while about the work I had to do for him till I eventually stopped him and told him it wasn't really necessary for me to understand his business since it was all going over my head. I mean, business productivity, collaboration, improve efficiencies, EIMs, UIs, BPs, Zzzzzzzz. I told him to just give me the content and I will make it looks nice. I mean it's a few powerpoint slides for snoozing out loud! Anyway, he eventually asked how long it would take, as I had told him yesterday that my hourly rate was R450, so I said probably about 4-5 hours, and he said no, more like 10 hours, so I thought "okey-dokey-no-problemo", but said " Does that mean you're a difficult client who's not going to like what I do the first time? Anyway, moving on, we got onto our life stories somehow. I didn't want to give away too much about myself, especially when people want to know about my relationship. I don't even know myself what the status is officially... Married / Single / Disastrous. Anyway, he's a recently converted christian, following 19 years of a wild life, marriage, drugs, women, traveling, followed by rehab and restoration.
I had facebooked him last night to try and see what he looked like... What's that you say?.... Get a life? Anyway, he was the third "John Smith' on the page, and his wall was full of God posts, but the point of this part of the story is that I forgot to remind myself to pretend I don't know what he looked like, but as soon as he walked into the coffee shop I waved at him! [This would be the perfect place to type a LOL, but I just really can't bring myself to do that. I can't hee-hee, or hehehe, as some of my skype contacts do. I'll settle for a :-D )

Anyway again, I'm supposed to be working on his job, but it's confusing, even for a powerpoint slide. After we met, he sent a few texts.. snippets as follows: "I was thinking VERY DANGEROUS would work well, something 3 Dimensional", "Try to make is as simplistic, dynamic and Sexy...;)".

It's late now, new week coming up. Very exciting. I'm in a new office space, I have a few nice jobs this week. Worker Bee is going to have to sharpen up her designer sting this week, because we need some kickass stuff done. So so so many things I want to do, so so so many things I don't want to eat. Going nowhere fast with that situation. But I still love life and am so excited about all the opportunities that lie ahead. New starts. New friends. New projects. New jeans.

Chalk and Cheese

How the hell can 2 people be so incompatible? I really don't understand what my life lesson should be in this situation, except GET THE FUCK OUT!! Partner-person drives me nuts, and I drive me nuts. I hate the way I can't tolerate a thing he says. I behave so badly, and I'm so embarrassed by the things that I say. I feel like it's all his fault, but he doesn't force me to act the way I do and to say the things I say. I could rather try to just let the stupid fucking words go right over my head, in one ear and out the other, but OMG, I just. can't. tolerate. it.

Tonight's issue was that he says I have no idea how to discipline Little Squirrel, and that I am doing it all wrong. This is all because I threatened to take his toy away if he didn't listen to me, and then when he did his little naughty thing again, I took away his toy. Great follow-through I thought, but oh no. So of course Little Squirrel starts wailing about wanting his dolphin, so Partner-Person freaks about him squealing and crying, and tells him he will go and lock him in his room (I thought this was too much a hardcore version of time-out, so I commented under my breath). Anyway, it got out of hand, and I just hate hate hate it. It's been a while since we have argued in front of the kids, and I swear, I am not going to do it again. I have had enough! My opinion and having the last word should not be more important then the little wide eyes just staring at us.
WTF is wrong with me. I feel like a crap mother, and I just don't want to expose my kids anymore to this conflict.
FFFF!!!!! I'm so pissed off.

:-D

Man, it feels good to laugh. I really need to do it more.
Life like this is not the life for me.
I'm really going to focus again on my Social Development Program.

I
Need
To
Laugh
More

Tick Tock

3pm, and no judgement has been forthcoming yet. Not sure what time zone Judgement Day is scheduled for? Checked familyradio.com again... 00 days left, and NO 2012! I must say, I think it's the biggest crock of poo, but clearly I'm quite intrigued by it all. Probably because religion has come up a lot lately. My lovely American Baptist neighbours have for the 3rd time this week offered for me to join them in Bible study. I feel too bad, and I suppose a little guilty to tell them that I don't really believe in it much at all.

Anyway, I've been noticing a lot lately how people on Facebook are always going on and on about living for Fridays, and Oh Man, it's Monday again :-(. What the heck is up with that... wishing that 70% of your week will just fly by? Come on people! Stop complaining about the other 5 days of glorious time we are all given between Sunday and Saturday... Everyday is exciting (ok, except maybe Sunday nights - I get Sunday Night Anxiety). There just seem to be a lot of people out there who dread going to their jobs, and getting in the traffic, and taking kids to school, and whatever else... Shoo, I'm so lucky that I'm not one of them, and I'll do whatever it takes to make it stay like that.

So, kiddies are having their afternoon nap, Partner-person is out for the day.. so what to do with this one golden hour?...
• Watch Project Runway?
• Do my VAT... WTF you say? You still haven't done that?
No, I haven't.
• Self exploration winkwink?
• Read?

Will let you know what I decide.

Bye peeps

PS... I did end up reading in the bath last night, but I opted for a magazine.. so much lighter then a book, and smaller snippets to read :-). Oh, but I did squeeze in a game of Klondike on my cellphone.. Baby steps.

Friday night

Yip, Friday night, not dressed up, which is just as well because I have nowhere to go. Pretty much waiting for the kiddos to go to bed so I can have some quiet time which will no doubt involve some sort of gadget, and sadly not of the vibrating kind. Not sure if I mentioned it before, but I made a promise to myself to lay off the gadgets for a while. I really have an addiction to my laptop, cellphone and ipad, and I'm trying to regress myself to a time when I read real, made-of-paper books. A time when I played piano, and not Freecell on my cellphone, when I went to the bookshop to browse books and not to sit with my ipad and a skinny cappucino. So perhaps I'll actually lie in bed and read tonight, but then it will have to be a great book.

I'm in the middle of quite a few novels that just never seemed to grab me... Partner-person just finished reading Killing Kebble, and he was hooked from the first page to the last, so I might try that. I also have those 2 books I bought at my meditation group to finish... clearly why I haven't yet Transformed My Life.

[PAUSE TO GO AND PLAY CARS WITH MY LITTLE SQUIRREL]


2 hours later... kiddies in bed. All alone downstairs because Partner-person has gone to bed early, so I don't even have to try and bear the sounds of the crime channel in the background.

I randomly mentioned to him earlier that I could do with a really good shag, because much to my surprise, the nympho in me has been fighting to come out of hiding. I really felt like I would not have those stirrings for quite a while, but anyhoo, it's been on my mind lately. Could be something to with my concrete guy fantasy, but that's a blog for another day.

So anyway, Partner-person offered his version of a great shag but I declined. Which leaves me where?... Horny, cranky, angry, resentful. I'm in my mid-30s and I want to have sex and should be having Great Sex... so what should I do? AAARGGHH

9pm, off to have a bath, with a book (hold thumbs) but have to assess where I am with my reformation list that I mentioned a few posts ago.
Will look at that tomorrow.

Oh, and by the way, tomorrow (21 May) is the end of the world... the bible guarantees it. Can't believe these familyradio.com people have put billboards all over the place declaring that. They even have a counter ticking away the days on their website. Must remember to check what they have on the website on Sunday... that's if I'm still around.

Back to the blog

Well this has been a long time coming...want to write all the time but there has been something stopping me... who knows what.
But I'm happy to be back at the ranting and raving and bitching and moaning.

It's been a busy busy time and there is so much I want to share and release from my head.

Firstly.. a wow.

Wow!... in my blog stats it says that people in Russia and Malaysia and Canada have read my blog. Have no idea idea how they would have found me, but it sure is exciting.

Still going to my meditation group every week... it's definitely one of my favourite things to do (another fave is eating Tumbles). My jewish friend... time to give him a fake name... My jewish friend Hymie and I have got into a habit of having our post-meditation coffee, and I look forward to those as well, although I do think the crush may be developing. I can't bring myself to put him off by gushing about my fab fiancé, because there's only so much Hollywood in me. So i just mention his name every once in a while, but the details are kept quite vague. And for some strange reason, Hymie avoids asking anything about my relationship, even though he asks about everything else. This week he brought me 2 pot plants.. such a lovely surprise! He also brought a box of plants for our teacher to take to the center, but it still seems like a very thoughtful thing to do. Plus he mentioned taking me for lunch to a restaurant up the road from me. Plus he said he would carry the pot plants to the car for me (I declined). I don't feel the same anxiety I did with my dear Father Tight-Ass that made moves on me, because I don't think he is really interested in a romantic way. We are just the 2 most unlikely people to become friends, but it really just strikes me that at any point in our lives, we can meet new people that will have some sort of impact on us. It's a strange situation... need to give it more thought.

Anyway, distracted now by a bad sex-scene and lame dialogue on tv so I've lost my train of thought.

Off to bed... till tomorrow xox